I'm adopted and have known this since I was a young child. My mother gave me my adoption papers several years ago and have been looking for my birth mother ever since. This is not an indication of how my mother and father raised me for they loved me and gave me a good home. This search is about filling the gap I have felt for a long time.
Within my birth records are my birth mother's name and my birth name. I've been searching the internet for her name and came across the first match recently. Anticipating that this woman might be her, I sent a letter to her and haven't heard anything - yet. It hasn't been that long but I'm anxious to hear from her; whether she is or isn't my birth mother.
The emotions of this find had me all over the place: joy, fear, happiness, doubt - many emotions that I quite frankly was not prepared to have for I really didn't think I'd find her - or at least a name match! It was an up again, down again stream of emotions. I realize that I didn't quite know what I expected from such a find. I want to connect with my birth mother but really want to establish a relationship and the fear of her not wanting that really sent me in an emotional spin. I know I must brace myself for this type of rejection but there is also a chance that she would want to have a relationship. It's a 50/50 chance for either option.
I do know that even if the woman is not her or doesn't want a relationship, that my world has not changed that much for my family is still mine and loves me. That I take great comfort in for my desire to have them in my life is being met each and every day. Her reaction to my query will not change that fact in my life. I am eternally grateful for my family that raised me and my family that I have with my husband. I've been blessed.
Several of my friends say I'm offering her a gift and I believe that is true. She will have an entire new addition to her world and if she doesn't want that, then it will be her loss. I'll be sad too for I will lose out on her family as well. But if she does want a relationship, then both she and I will have more blessings with family. I hope that's the case.
With all this, where do I go from here??? I am in a holding pattern right now - one that might be answered but I do run the risk of never hearing from this woman at all. If that happens, I will continue to live my life with unanswered questions. That is not the worst thing that could happen to me. I've been too blessed to have that hinder my attitude towards life, my G-d, my family, art, etc.
So, that's the latest with me. I'm still working on art, teaching at the college, being mom and wife. These things are a part of my life and keep me focused on what is important and necessary. I look forward to updating you on the news as it develops! So, until next time, take care, enjoy, and G-d bless!
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
January 19, 2011
I'm exploring line. What it is and what it means within my work. I've made lines since I was a kid and couldn't color within them very well - I always went outside the line! I've been drawn to line and am compelled to create it. There is something about the cascading line that excites me. Lines divide, separate, contain; they express, define, organize, describe; it is the line itself that creates the focal point and energy within the work. Line can be beautiful, expressive, agitating, even aggressive. It can creat stability or rhythm. Line is used to define the object when drawn or painted. It can be created from one point to another or created when placing planes next to each other. They are implied or actual and create tension within the work. Jean August Dominique Ingres was a master at line when drawing people and objects; his drawings and line are marvelous. Vincent van Gogh's lines were authoritative and strong. Jackson Pollock was a master with the abstract line. His paintings are celebrations of line. Barnett Newman's work explored line (his zips), planes and color. But these abstract paintings were expressions of the self, myth, and possibly forms of Jewish mysticism (in Newman's case).
I believe that the line expresses a part of my psyche for my spirit follows and connects with every mark I make. Although hard to describe, my soul actually yearns to bond with the line. I get excited about mark-making, about the line. There is something about a weighted line that speaks to my spirit. My lines are reflective of life, of energy. With the vertical line there is an amalgamation between the heaven and earth; more in a spiritual than literal sense. The horizontal is the grounding force within it. Much like a horizon line, but metaphorical. My works are not landscapes but echoes of the soul - the desire to connect and imbibe within the spiritual, the Divine. I've said that the work reflects my spiritual walk - my trust in G-d. This is very true for within each painting is the act and trust that occurs to create it. The lines, color, and texture are the expression and exclamation of that process. But it is the line that activates the work, creates the action within it.
While my work has texture and color, they are sometimes secondary to the line; they accentuate it, bring it out to the forefront, highlight it and help establish it within the picture plane. The line can be subtle or right in your face. The background of the work may be peaceful or soothing but the line pulls out the energy of the piece. But whatever imagery I use, the line helps to reveal it or is the subject matter itself.
So right now, that is what is important to me in my work. I'm still exploring this idea of line and I'm sure more revelations will come to me as I work through this and process it. So until next time... take care, enjoy, and G-d bless!
I believe that the line expresses a part of my psyche for my spirit follows and connects with every mark I make. Although hard to describe, my soul actually yearns to bond with the line. I get excited about mark-making, about the line. There is something about a weighted line that speaks to my spirit. My lines are reflective of life, of energy. With the vertical line there is an amalgamation between the heaven and earth; more in a spiritual than literal sense. The horizontal is the grounding force within it. Much like a horizon line, but metaphorical. My works are not landscapes but echoes of the soul - the desire to connect and imbibe within the spiritual, the Divine. I've said that the work reflects my spiritual walk - my trust in G-d. This is very true for within each painting is the act and trust that occurs to create it. The lines, color, and texture are the expression and exclamation of that process. But it is the line that activates the work, creates the action within it.
While my work has texture and color, they are sometimes secondary to the line; they accentuate it, bring it out to the forefront, highlight it and help establish it within the picture plane. The line can be subtle or right in your face. The background of the work may be peaceful or soothing but the line pulls out the energy of the piece. But whatever imagery I use, the line helps to reveal it or is the subject matter itself.
So right now, that is what is important to me in my work. I'm still exploring this idea of line and I'm sure more revelations will come to me as I work through this and process it. So until next time... take care, enjoy, and G-d bless!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
January 3, 2011
I work in such an intuitive way; I a so enthralled by the movement and reactions to the paint that the work is more about the relationship to the medium than anything else. For the paint and mark-making dictate my actions and I respond to their direction. It is a language that I have learned to read and listen to as I create. I trust the paint, that it will direct my path in the creation of the work. If something is not working in the way I think it should go, then I have confidence that my experience with the medium will aid the development of the piece and it will eventually work itself out to completion. The way the paint moves and flows, the response to the heat, the mark-making, and the connection of the colors all work together to create a work of art that speaks to my in a non-verbal way. It speaks to me in a spiritual way, a visual way; a communication that speaks to my spirit. I believe that this relationship, this connection to the work reflects in some way my relationship with G-d. The trust with the direction of the paint is similiar to the direction and guidance I receive from the LORD.
It is hard to put into words a non-verbal communication. Even if I cannot articualte exactly what is happening with the work, it does not mean that the work is empty or hollow. This is true for much of abstract or non-objective art for the imagery that is seen and the lexis that is communicated within the piece translates the written or spoken language. Emotions, reactions, and responses are all contained within the imagery and symbolism of an abstract or non-objective work of art. Even if the work does not contain symbolism, the work is a response to the creative stimuli of the artist and makes it a part of the human condition. We as human beings have an intrinsic need to create - we're the only species on the planet that create intuitively. We are the only ones that express ourselves artistically without an outside facilitator. The need to create and the expressiveness within the various media that have been created for this expression all point to the nature of what it means to be human, to be a creative species. I also believe that this connects us to our Creator, the One who contains the ultimate creative spirit - the Bara.
The moment of the encounter with a work of abstraction and the moment of the response is very telling. The communication between the work and the viewer is very important. The various reactions to an abstract/non-objective work shows the evidence of this communication. The various reactions speak to the spirit to spirit communication that occurs between the artist and the viewer. Positive, negative, or even indifference are all reactions to what is happening with the artwork. The artist sometimes wishes for a specific reaction or sometimes the viewer is allowed to perceive the work in whatever context they desire. What is important is that the work was created and is many times is independent from any response the viewer may have. For if an artist creates a work with the viewer in mind, creates a work with the expectation of a specific response, then the art can suffer. I am speaking of works created within a fine art context, not a commercial art context. It can be created in an artificial environment, a forced environment, without true honesty from the artist. It is much better for the artist to remain true to themsleves, to the medium, to the original vision of the work regardless of the viewer's response. This is true honesty, this is true art making.
So in turn, my art speaks from my own experiences and artistic language. It expresses my response, my reaction, and sometimes my surprise to the medium. It expresses my humanness. I cannot always direct or contain it for the medium dictates many times the final outcome of the piece. The language is non-verbal; a visual language that communicates to and feeds my spirit and hopefully speaks to whoever receives the imagery of the work. The work is not always symbolic in content but is a reflection of my relationship with the paint. It is also a mirror of my relationship with my G-d and reminds me of the trust I have with the Divine. It is an interchange between me and the paint, an exchange that I hope is honest and forecoming with my creative experience.
Until next time, take care, enjoy, and G-d bless!
It is hard to put into words a non-verbal communication. Even if I cannot articualte exactly what is happening with the work, it does not mean that the work is empty or hollow. This is true for much of abstract or non-objective art for the imagery that is seen and the lexis that is communicated within the piece translates the written or spoken language. Emotions, reactions, and responses are all contained within the imagery and symbolism of an abstract or non-objective work of art. Even if the work does not contain symbolism, the work is a response to the creative stimuli of the artist and makes it a part of the human condition. We as human beings have an intrinsic need to create - we're the only species on the planet that create intuitively. We are the only ones that express ourselves artistically without an outside facilitator. The need to create and the expressiveness within the various media that have been created for this expression all point to the nature of what it means to be human, to be a creative species. I also believe that this connects us to our Creator, the One who contains the ultimate creative spirit - the Bara.
The moment of the encounter with a work of abstraction and the moment of the response is very telling. The communication between the work and the viewer is very important. The various reactions to an abstract/non-objective work shows the evidence of this communication. The various reactions speak to the spirit to spirit communication that occurs between the artist and the viewer. Positive, negative, or even indifference are all reactions to what is happening with the artwork. The artist sometimes wishes for a specific reaction or sometimes the viewer is allowed to perceive the work in whatever context they desire. What is important is that the work was created and is many times is independent from any response the viewer may have. For if an artist creates a work with the viewer in mind, creates a work with the expectation of a specific response, then the art can suffer. I am speaking of works created within a fine art context, not a commercial art context. It can be created in an artificial environment, a forced environment, without true honesty from the artist. It is much better for the artist to remain true to themsleves, to the medium, to the original vision of the work regardless of the viewer's response. This is true honesty, this is true art making.
So in turn, my art speaks from my own experiences and artistic language. It expresses my response, my reaction, and sometimes my surprise to the medium. It expresses my humanness. I cannot always direct or contain it for the medium dictates many times the final outcome of the piece. The language is non-verbal; a visual language that communicates to and feeds my spirit and hopefully speaks to whoever receives the imagery of the work. The work is not always symbolic in content but is a reflection of my relationship with the paint. It is also a mirror of my relationship with my G-d and reminds me of the trust I have with the Divine. It is an interchange between me and the paint, an exchange that I hope is honest and forecoming with my creative experience.
Until next time, take care, enjoy, and G-d bless!
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